Happy belated mother’s day, everyone! C:
So Time magazine came out with yet another OH NO KIDS THESE DAYS ARE SELFISH article, which they do every few years. According to Time:
Here are some broad descriptions about the generation known as Millennials: They’re narcissistic. They’re lazy. They’re coddled. They’re even a bit delusional.
Those aren’t just unfounded negative stereotypes about 80 million Americans born roughly between 1980 and 2000. They’re backed up by a decade of sociological research. The National Institutes of Health found that for people in their 20s, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is three times as high than the generation that’s 65 or older. In 1992, 80 percent of people under 23 wanted to one day have a job with greater responsibility; ten years later, 60 percent did. Millennials received so many participation trophies growing up that 40 percent of them think they should be promoted every two years – regardless of performance. They’re so hopeful about the future you might think they hadn’t heard of something called the Great Recession.
Jesus Christ, Time magazine. For some reason, we, as a nation, have all collectively agreed to pretend that Time magazine is a quality source of journalism. It’s not. It’s the worst form of bullshit — it’s not even honest fluff like you’d find in your standard celebrity gossip tabloid or Make-a-Birdhouse-out-of-popsicle-sticks hipster rag. It’s all idiot nonsense platitudes packaged as if they’re brilliant revelations. Every few years it comes out with another version of this EXACT same story, just changing the name of the latest bogeyman generation so they can scare that coveted boomer marketing demographic into buying a few more issues as they load their shopping carts full of fucking Depends and Haagen Daas. I remember when Time was running articles saying the exact same thing about Generation X, that they were LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SLACKERS and GOSH DARN IT, WE JUST DON’T SEE WHY THEY CAN’T BE MORE LIKE US INDUSTRIOUS BOOMERS. What a shock, they labeled gen X as THE ME GENERATION, too, when it was hot to do that, and they labeled the generation before, which I don’t recall having any other catchy media-friendly name, that as the same thing. Basically, if you didn’t get in on the ground floor after the war and claw your way into power with the rest of these fucking Boomer vampires, you’re doomed to be painted as a leech for another 15-20 years because these boomers are not going to give up the reins of control willingly. Then maybe we’ll finally have the chance to demonize our kids instead.
But what can you expect when the head editor is Fareed fucking Zakaria? Zakaria is the face of the mealy-mouthed status quo. Reading his pieces is like drinking a quart of warm cream before bedtime, they’re all toothless namby pamby exhortations to LET’S ALL CALM DOWN AND BE REASONABLE, calculated to soothe the reading public into gurgling complacency. Oh you say you’re angry because the country is being run by gangsters who’ve stolen all your money, poisoned the wells, and murdered the future? Why, sure, maybe it’s natural to be a little angry but let’s not jump to conclusions! And I mean, hey, you’re hands aren’t exactly clean now, are they? You once forgot your bank balance and accidentally overdrew, right, and that’s totally the moral equivalent of intentionally crashing the economy and forcing millions of Americans into destitution, right? So let’s all just say mistakes were made and move on like nice, rational, reasonal adults. Here, drink this warm milk. now isn’t that better.
What I’m saying is, I’m not surprised that a magazine under his watch would think it’s cutting edge journalism to run an article rehashing the safe, comfortable, familiar myths that allow Time’s primary demographic of smug well-to-do boomers to more easily sleep at night. Once again, it’s all about quelling any sort of revolutionary impulses, keeping everyone nice and quiet and sleepy.
While we’re at it, fuck Joel Stein. The guy is an unfunny hack whose articles read like a poor man’s Dave Barry. He acts like titling his regular column “The Awesome column” makes him into some sort of rock star, when it just makes him look like Dr. Ken Thurman on Mr.Show’s NO ADULTS ALLOWED.